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Embrace new opportunities and start a business in China. There is such a British entrepreneur, who was deeply attracted by the opportunities contained in China. He started his business in China for more than ten years and won the China Government Friendship Award. And his family also has deep roots with China. Today we will listen to his story.

Simon haworth, British entrepreneur and winner of China Government Friendship Award;My name is Simon haworth, and my friends in China call me Simon. I am an entrepreneur. I have been dealing with China since 2012, mainly engaged in entrepreneurial activities in the fields of biology and agricultural science and technology. The real reason why I came to China to start a business is the opportunity contained in China.

Simon haworth, British entrepreneur and winner of China Government Friendship Award;At that time, I was looking for a place in the world suitable for developing biotechnology, clean energy and agricultural science and technology. At that time, many friends suggested that I must visit China. So around 2010, I came to China for research, and I was very surprised to find the entrepreneurial soil of China, where the business ecology is the best place for us.

Simon haworth, British entrepreneur and winner of China Government Friendship Award;China attaches great importance to science and technology. Many people will say that we brought technology to China because China needed it. Actually, it’s not like this, not at all. For a long time, we have been looking for application opportunities for these technologies on a global scale. China is one of the most important regions in the world, where our technology can play its due role.

Simon haworth, British entrepreneur and winner of China Government Friendship Award;In 2016, I was chatting with my father one day, and he said, "Do you remember, the story of our family and China is very long?". I only knew that my grandparents had lived in China for a month until my father asked me to visit the attic of my ancestral home. There is an old-fashioned box in the attic, which is full of all kinds of documents. Among them, I found my grandmother’s diary and books written by other ancestors. Only then did I know that I was the fifth generation in my family who had been dealing with China continuously. Looking through this dusty diary, I found my grandmother’s records about Wuhan, and the company I founded in 2012 is also in this city.

Simon haworth, British entrepreneur and winner of China Government Friendship Award;Where I am now is almost where my grandparents stood, fifty years apart.

Simon haworth, British entrepreneur and winner of China Government Friendship Award;Standing on the edge of the Yangtze River, listening to the story of Wuhan Yangtze River Bridge, it is an unusual feeling to find that my grandparents once stood in the same place. You think you’ve been exploring alone in the world, and suddenly you find that I’m also continuing the story of my family and China. It was also in that year (2016) that I brought my eldest son George to China, and he became the sixth generation of our family dealing with China.

Simon haworth, British entrepreneur and winner of China Government Friendship Award;What I want to do now is to bring British biotechnology to China. I seek two goals, capital and market, and China is the place where I have both resources. I think this represents an important stage of global development, which I call the China era.

Simon haworth, British entrepreneur and winner of China Government Friendship Award;A few years ago, I drew a picture. On the right side of the painting is the landmark building in Britain in my life. On the other side of the painting is China, which is painted in color. I also specially drew the Yellow Crane Tower and Wuhan Yangtze River Bridge. I want to convey the message that the eyes of the whole world are focused on China, and the baton of global leaders is passed from country to country. Now is the era when China shines brilliantly, and it is of great significance for me to participate in it.

Chief Producer Jiang Qiuyong Mei Yan

Producer Pan Linhua Xu Qi

Editor-in-Chief Guo Chun Xi Yao

Director Li Lan Shi Yue

Reporter Sun Lan

I believe many people are familiar with the mention of new citizens in the financial field. They are a huge group, with more than 300 million people accounting for more than 20% of the country’s total population, and they are an important group served by inclusive finance. In October this year, the State Council issued the "Implementation Opinions on Promoting High-quality Development in inclusive finance", which clearly stated that the financial services for new citizens such as agricultural transfer population will continue to deepen in the next five years.

This means that serving new citizens will become a key issue for the entire financial industry. What changes have been made to the new citizens now compared with the past? What are their demands in finance? How do financial institutions accurately provide services? These problems are worthy of attention and exploration.

Consumer finance, as a financial service format that can directly touch people’s life, is an important subject to provide inclusive finance services for new citizens. As a licensed financial institution, Consumer Now has taken the lead in the gold consumption industry and launched a number of measures to serve new citizens. On December 11th, Immediate Consumption, together with its product Anyihua, and Southern Metropolis Daily, released the first survey report on new citizens in the consumer finance industry in China, showing new citizens’ new lives and improving the quality of new citizens’ services by gaining insight into their consumption preferences, entertainment methods, living habits, personal investment and financial use scenarios.

Most of the new citizens who participated in this survey were migrant workers, accounting for more than 80% of the participants. They are mainly distributed in super-first-tier cities such as Beishangguangshen and Shenzhen, and quasi-first-and second-tier cities with fast economic development such as Hangzhou, Chongqing, Chengdu, Dongguan, Qingdao and Xi ‘an. Their age is concentrated in 20-40 years old, and they become the main force after 80, 90 and even early 00. Compared with the previous junior high school education, the education of new citizens is constantly improving, and the proportion of high schools, technical secondary schools and junior colleges is constantly rising.

It is worth noting that they have been working hard in the city for a long time, and their ideas, lifestyles and development demands have been deeply influenced by the city. They have long been different from traditional migrant workers and have a stronger desire for urban life and resource sharing. In the past, new citizens were labeled as "long working hours", "high mobility", "low income", "moonlight", "monotonous amateur life" and "high proportion of peer-to-peer lending". Now these have changed: through the survey data, we can find that they pay attention to practicality and cost performance in consumption; It is no longer just a corner where there is only one bed in the village in the city, and food, clothing and housing are the main things, but more and more attention is paid to the quality of life; Instead of just making money and not spending money in the city, more and more attention is paid to leisure and cultural travel, and even there are many actions in self-investment.

In terms of employment, 90% of the new citizens interviewed this time have stable jobs and incomes. On the basis of stable work, some new citizens will also expand sideline business to increase their income and improve their living standards. According to the survey, 20% of the new citizens who participated in the survey all have 1-2 sideline jobs. In their view, multiple jobs represent more opportunities and provide more possibilities. Employment opportunities increase, and income is better, stable and considerable. The data shows that the average monthly income of new citizens exceeds 6,000 yuan, accounting for nearly 70%.

In terms of consumption, most of them are more cost-effective, taking into account the function and practicality of goods, and changing from "making do" to "paying attention". For example, in the survey, more than 75% of the new citizens have a per capita housing area of over 40 square meters, and nearly 70% spend more on each meal than in 20 yuan. Over 60% of the new citizens will actively participate in social activities, outdoor leisure, sports and fitness, shopping and so on. Some of them will spend more time and money on learning and upgrading, accounting for nearly 30% of their income in self-improvement and education investment.

In terms of finance, they will ease the economic pressure brought by daily consumption and unexpected situations through installment repayment, and will also use consumer loan products such as Anyihua. Zhang Xiao, a new citizen with an income of 8,000 yuan, explained the reasons. "Because our parents-in-law do housework, many of them are introduced by intermediaries and friends. The money is transferred by WeChat, and there is no bank card, so there is no credit record. I can’t get a loan in case of emergency. However, consumer financial products such as Anyihua are different. They can respond to emergencies and are still an indispensable means for me. "

Like Zhang Xiao, many new citizens often face the dilemma of strict banking supervision, strict internal risk control and weak qualifications of new citizens when obtaining financial services. From the demand side, the demand of new citizens for financial services is highly coincident with the long-tail customer groups served by financial institutions. From the policy point of view, strengthening the financial service ability of new citizens is the proper meaning for licensed consumer financial institutions to actively respond to the development of the industry and fulfill their social responsibilities.

Consumers immediately understand this, try first in the industry, and innovatively carry out a number of service measures. According to the data, this year, consumers immediately distributed coupons through Anyihua marketing activities, and held interest-free activities to benefit the people. Anyihua staging mall launched 254 interest-free activities to benefit the people in 3C digital, household daily use, rural revitalization products and other fields, distributed 1.002 million coupons, and distributed coupons worth 22.81 million yuan, providing benefits to 3.45 million new citizens.

In the depth of serving users, immediate consumption will improve the level of financial services for farmers, returning rural groups and new agricultural business entities, and effectively meet the financial needs of new citizens such as agricultural transfer population. It expanded inclusive finance business to third-and fourth-tier cities, county towns and rural areas, with an average loan of about 3,000 yuan, serving 33 million rural users and 39 million county users.

In addition, in the battlefield of financial services for new citizens, the advantage of consumer financial institutions lies not only in the high fit of the people covered, but also in the support of cutting-edge technology and strong risk control ability. Taking immediate consumption as an example, relying on more than 1,000 sets of core technology systems and 100,000+derivative variables, we can broaden the radius of customer service, and also achieve second-level lending, meet the needs of users for timely use of funds, and improve the efficiency of financial services. Not long ago, I immediately consumed the self-developed large model "Tianjing", put AIGC technology into practical use, and empowered financial business links such as intelligent marketing and intelligent customer service.

In addition to focusing on the financial services needed by the new citizen groups, it is also necessary to constantly pay attention to the growth of the groups. This year, immediate consumption has taken the lead in doing three things in the industry in serving new citizens — — Employment, dreams, peers, let the service for new citizens go deeper and more practical, and help new citizens tide over the difficulties.

In May of this year, Consumption Now launched a new project — — Escape Job. The original intention of a project with high cost but free for users is to help new citizens who need to find jobs. The data shows that since its launch, the "Looking for a Job" area has visited more than 2 million people, providing nearly 220,000 jobs to choose from, and nearly 50,000 people have submitted their job hunting intentions. In September this year, the Yi Li Dream Building Public Welfare Platform jointly established by Consumption Now and Science and Technology Development Foundation was officially launched. This public welfare project is mainly aimed at groups, including new citizens, to help them realize their wishes of solving basic living problems and improving their living conditions.

Since the beginning of this year, the consumption of comfortable flowers has also started the story of the real people of new citizens, "Those who chase the light", showing the struggle figure of new citizens and providing them with struggle funds. The second season will be launched in 2024, which will continue to explore user stories and show their optimistic and tenacious spirit in the face of difficulties and dilemmas in life. Simultaneously launch the "Craftsman Plan" in 2024. Focus on traditional culture, pay attention to non-legacy craftsmen, a special group of new citizens, and explore their stories of keeping the arts.

Through this survey, we can find that the new citizens are a group of energetic and creative people with a wide range of interests and unique personalities. They grow together with the city and strive for a better life. Pay attention to new citizens immediately, and try first in the field of serving new citizens in the consumer finance industry. It has served 2.56 million people and spent 100 million yuan on serving new citizens.

In the future, the initial intention of immediately consuming "user-centered" will not change, and we will provide financial services with temperature for new citizens, give them the longest-lasting companionship, and join hands with more new citizens to start a better life. Let the wind of inclusive finance blow to more new citizens.

Do you remember that last year, the Top10 classic story happened in China football?

It is said that there was a big upset in the second round of the FA Cup in 2022. Beijing Guoan was eliminated by Jingchuan Wenhui, the Chinese champion team, at 5: 7, which broke the big upset. You should know that Zhongguan is the fourth professional league in China and it is an amateur team, but Jingchuan Wenhui still belongs to the downstream team in the Chinese champion.

However, after the game, the official account of Beijing Guoan issued a document saying: This is a close game, and finally said that Jingchuan Wenhui, which is better in strength, won the game. This also made some Guoan fans angry, lost to amateur teams, and boasted that they were stronger than themselves, and they really lost face.

In a word, the top team in the top football league in China lost to the fourth league, which is quite calm. How easy it is to respect that this is a close game.

Let’s go to German football, Bundesliga and European football overlord Bayern Munich, needless to say; The other team, Saarbrü cken, is quite unknown to us. According to media reports.Saarbrü cken is a German football team in the third division. In the second round of the German Cup between these two teams with such a big difference, Saarbrü cken actually pulled down the giant Bayern 2-1 in 96 minutes.

After the game, start fromThe Saarbrü cken team came to see their mood. Saarbrü cken player Zelitz said: Up to now, my mind is in a mess. I don’t know how to be happy. No one can guess the result. Before the game, we had achieved the result that we might suffer a fiasco, but in the end, when you saw that the scoreboard said 2-1, it was incredible.

The winner is not as calm as our China team, which is quite understandable, because it is difficult to leapfrog the victory because of the details and systematization of German football.

Look at Bayern again, losing and losing. From the club official, "this is unacceptable. I don’t understand why the players played so badly in the first half." Disappointment is huge. " To the players’ "Unbelievable. Unbelievable. We are really disappointed with this result. "

Compared with Beijing Guoan, Bayern’s tolerance is much smaller and a little frustrated. Look at the official announcement of Guoan: this is a close game, and the opponent’s strength is even better.

My humble opinion, rather critical, I wonder if football in China is the real atmosphere, or is it shameful.

Original content, those who carry it without authorization will be investigated!

We know that to lose weight is not only to control diet, but also to strengthen physical exercise to improve the body’s activity metabolism and strengthen physical fitness, so that you can lose weight healthily.

However, there are many choices of fitness exercises. What exercise should you choose to lose weight in order to achieve good weight loss results? Let’s take a look at the common sports charts.See which exercise burns fat best:

1. Jogging

Jogging is a familiar sport. Jogging for one hour can consume 550 calories. However, it is difficult for people who have just started exercising to persist for an hour. Generally, they need to start with brisk walking and jogging, and then transition to uniform jogging training after a period of time.

Jogging can be done outdoors or on a treadmill. However, outdoor running will be affected by the weather. There will be more people running outdoors in summer, but there are often fewer people running outdoors in winter. Do you like running on the treadmill or running outdoors?

2. Skipping rope

Skipping rope is a high-intensity fat burning training, which can not only raise the heart rate quickly, but also effectively exercise muscles and prevent muscle loss. Skipping rope is not affected by the weather, only one rope is needed, and a small open space can jump.

Jumping rope only takes 15 minutes at a time to achieve the effect of jogging for more than half an hour. After skipping rope, the body will be at a high metabolic level and continue to consume calories.

However, rope skipping training is suitable for people who are slightly fat, and people with large weight base and high blood pressure are not suitable for rope skipping training because it is easy to induce health problems.

3. Swimming

This is a very popular summer exercise. People are buoyant in the water, which can avoid the pressure of heavy weight on joints, and people with large weight base can also train.

In order to lose weight, we need to swim to lose weight. Our body will consume calories in the process of overcoming the resistance of water. Swimming for 1 hour can consume about 650-900 calories depending on the speed.

4. Table tennis

Table tennis is a low-intensity sport in which two people cooperate. Middle-aged and elderly people can also exercise, which can improve the coordination of limbs, physical flexibility and improve obesity.

One hour of table tennis can consume 350-400 calories, and beginners can burn fat while entertaining. However, table tennis needs partners to play together.

5. Go quickly

This is a low-intensity exercise suitable for people with heavy weight. If you can’t insist on jogging at first, you can start with a brisk walk, which is not easy to give up and can effectively burn calories. Walking fast for an hour can consume about 300 calories.

Which of these aerobic exercises do you prefer?

It is not the exercise with high fat burning efficiency that suits you. You need to choose the exercise that suits you according to your physical fitness, so it is easier to stick to it, and you can achieve a good weight loss effect over time.

On April 21st, Beijing time, let’s take a look at the latest situation of European football.

Manchester United went away to Seville 0-3, and the total score was 2-5.

In the second round of the Europa League quarter-final, Maguire and Degea gave gifts one after another. In the end, Manchester United lost to Seville 0-3 away and went out with a total score of 2-5. Manchester United were eliminated from the European Games for six consecutive seasons by La Liga teams, including three by Seville.

Juventus 1-1 away to Portugal Sports, with a total score of 2-1.

In the second round of the Europa League quarter-final, Rabiot scored a goal and sent a point. In the end, Juventus drew 1-1 away from Portugal Sports and still advanced with a total score of 2-1. According to statistics, this is the 22nd time in the history of Juventus team to break into the European semi-finals, ranking first in Serie A and second only to Emperor Rensa in Europe.

Rome 4-1 at home to Feyenoord, with a total score of 4-2.

In the second round of the Europa League quarter-final, Rome conceded the goal in the 80th minute, and the total score was 1-2 behind. Dibala scored a life-saving goal in the 89th minute, which abruptly dragged the game into overtime. In extra time, Roma defeated Feyenoord 4-1 with goals from Sharawi and pellegrini, and reversed the promotion with a total score of 4-2.

Leverkusen away to San Giros 4-1, with a total score of 5-2.

In the second round of the Europa League quarter-final, Hlozek and Barker crossed the ball, Diaby and Frimpong each scored a goal, and Leverkusen beat the Belgian team Saint-Giros 4-1 away, and advanced with a total score of 5-2.

Under the leadership of young Alonso, Leverkusen returned to the European semi-final after 21 years. The last time they reached the European semi-final was in the Champions League in 2001/02. In the last 12 games, Leverkusen remained unbeaten with 8 wins and 4 draws. The last time they lost was 2-3 Mainz in the Bundesliga in February this year.

In the UEFA, Florence lost 2-3 away and still advanced with a total score of 6-4. While Basel eliminated Nice with a total score of 4-3. Alkmar beat Andre Laichter 4-1 on penalties and advanced 6-3 on aggregate. West Ham United beat Ghent 4-1 away and advanced 5-2 with a total score.

Serie A became the biggest winner. Together with AC Milan and Inter Milan in the Champions League, a total of five teams entered the European semi-finals, which is the first time in history. The French team was completely annihilated. This is the first time since 2019 that no French team has advanced to the semi-finals of the European War.

■Press:The new generation pays more attention to new concepts such as "functional beauty" and "pure makeup".

"The clouds want clothes, flowers, and capacity, and the spring breeze blows the threshold to show off China." Beauty has always been ever-changing, and people have different standards and needs for beauty in different periods.

From "Yanzhi" 3,000 years ago to 2023, China has gone through the 3,000-year beauty history of Haohao Tangtang. Ancient facial makeup was generally suitable for women, and it was especially popular from the Shang and Zhou Dynasties to the Sui, Tang and Five Dynasties. People pounded the red orchid leaves in Yan’s land into juice and condensed it into fat makeup, which was called "Yanzhi", which was later rouge. The powder was called "Fu Powder" and the thrush was called "Daihei". The aesthetic habits of different periods in the past dynasties made the types of face makeup colorful, such as white makeup in Han Dynasty, oblique red makeup in Wei Dynasty, gorgeous peach blossom makeup in Tang Dynasty, drunken makeup, simple and elegant thin makeup in Song Dynasty, etc.

The earliest cosmetics was Guangshenghang, which was founded in Hong Kong in 1905. It mainly produced "Shuangmei" toilet water and vanishing cream, only 10 years later than "Ponzi’s vanishing cream" which came out in 1895. At that time, only a few big cities in China produced cosmetics, and the quantity was also small.

During the 1920s and 1940s, elegant and beautiful oriental makeup became popular. The makeup features in the 1930s are somewhat the same as those in the 20s, with white as the base, while the rest of the makeup focuses on circles, round faces, round blushes, half-moon eyebrows, round lips, and curved facial lines. In the early 1940s, due to the difficulties in material life at that time, the whole social atmosphere tended to be natural and simple, the popular characteristics were universal but not obvious, and makeup was also in line with nature.

In a word, the beauty of the 1940s can be said to be a kind of introverted sexiness. Characterized by soft and curved eyebrows. The balsam and vanishing cream used by Chinese people in this period were the two most used cosmetics at that time, and vanishing cream may be familiar to the older generation. This cosmetic, called vanishing cream, is a non-greasy skin care cosmetic. It disappears immediately after being applied to the skin, and it is named after snowflakes. However, vanishing cream is not a brand of cosmetics, but a general term for skin care cosmetics.

At that time, the most popular cosmetic brand was Baique Ling, which was the representative of balsam and the preferred skin care product for celebrities and nobles. At the same time, it is also a skin care luxury that has influenced generations. In addition, there are Friendship, Hongmei and Ya Shuang, which, according to the present words, were hot brands of vanishing cream at that time, and they were very popular at that time.

From 1950s to 1970s and 1950s, western makeup was highly sought after, with Monroe as a model of feminine charm. As a whole, facial makeup in this period was mainly characterized by the wisdom style with distinct facial features, and the colors were mainly blue, green and brown. The eyeliner rises above the end of the eye. In the 1960 s, when material resources became increasingly abundant, a new generation of young people grew up. Fashion is bolder, ladies’ skirts are shorter, and miniskirts and neutral clothes are sought after by young people. In makeup, thick eyeliner has become a very popular trend, making eyes look bigger and brighter. This decade has also spread false eyelashes to all parts of the world. Soon, many people began to use long false eyelashes and mascara, and the lower eyelashes began to become longer. With colored eye shadow, the lip color was also light at this time.

In the 1970s, more "natural ingredients" were added to cosmetics to meet people’s growing demand for beauty. Bronze began to be incorporated into makeup in large quantities, and pearl powder became popular, in order to make people look healthier and shine and highlight cheekbones. Twilight and cream eye shadow have become very popular trends, and transparent lip gloss has become the mainstream. At that time, the advertisements on TV didn’t know how many times to broadcast "Dabao" a day.

In addition, Procter & Gamble, which is the first representative of international cosmetic brands to enter the China market, has touched the hearts of many young people with OLAY Olay. In this era, people pursue fashion and pay considerable attention to their appearance beauty. Coupled with the continuous improvement of material living standards, people’s requirements for cosmetics are getting higher and higher. Therefore, Dabao’s cosmetics were all the rage at that time, and Olay was not inferior.

80-90 years, 80 years is an era of color, popular hair and makeup are exaggerated. With the return of disco music and the rapid development of economy, women began to make a fuss about eye makeup. Singers such as Madonna, who was all the rage at that time, led the trend, and blue, purple and pink eye shadows were overlaid to obtain a rainbow-like effect. Colored mascara and bright and bold lips were very popular in this decade, and the first anti-aging skin care products appeared in the late 1980s. During this period, Meijiajing and Xiafei were well-known cosmetics brands.

The 1990s seemed to be a counterattack against the fashion excess in the 1980s, and makeup began to return to minimalism. At that time, classic Hong Kong and Taiwan stars such as Brigitte Lin, Joey Wong, Maggie Cheung, Athena Chu, and other great beauties’ makeup was very simple, and they returned to health and nature without heavy makeup, which was very in line with the oriental aesthetics.

In the 21st century, with the emergence of new things, makeup has a higher level of leap and development. At this time, the makeup becomes more feminine, women’s eyebrows become thinner, the eyebrow arch becomes clearer, and it is matched with shiny lip gloss. Thick, feathered eyelashes are popular again, and various mascara and eyelash care products enter the market.

2021 is also an era of skin rejuvenation and nude makeup. Due to environmental factors, the frequency of going out is decreasing, and more and more time is spent at home. Wearing masks has become a daily life, but in contrast, people began to look for patterns in other places, for example, the demand for eye makeup products and nail art has become increasingly strong.

Nowadays, with the rise of the "Z" era, their understanding of makeup, as well as the diversification and deep-seated needs of makeup are constantly changing. The new generation pays more attention to new concepts such as "functional beauty" and "pure makeup", and pays more attention to factors such as safety, health, ingredients and interest in choosing cosmetics.

For the generation of young people who grew up in China’s rapid economic development and digital development, they are independent, willing to try new things and have a global vision and a sense of social responsibility. They are more willing to find their place in traditional culture and consciously choose domestic brands. Such as the perfect diary of popular brands, Hua Xizi, and popular national beauty cosmetics such as Mao Geping and Hua Zhiming. Perfect Diary defines the brand slogan as "beauty has no limit", and advocates that the younger generation should not be bound by external labels, strive to break through themselves, actively explore the infinite possibilities of life and make themselves better. It embodies the young people’s exploration, remolding and expression of beauty.

With the steady development of China’s economy and the rapid improvement of the cultural self-confidence of the new generation of consumers, the brand influence of China is expanding, and the domestic beauty brands will rise by the "national tide" and will be favored by more and more consumers.

I don’t know if you have ever met such a dialogue scene:

"When you go home, you will know how to play with your mobile phone. I am taking care of my baby at home alone, and I have to wait on your family."

"I’m not tired? I work hard to make money outside every day, and I have to accept it when I come back. "

From being single to starting a family and then having children, this is the state that most people will eventually enter.

The breakdown of many couples’ feelings often occurs during the period after the two sides form a family and have children.

01

Why do feelings fade after giving birth to a child?

1) the transition period of the relationship.

There is one of the most common challenges in the relationship, which we call the relationship transition period.

If we regard a family as a person, it has a life cycle, and in each different life cycle, we have to adapt to the transformation of the family itself.

The challenge of this transformation is the biggest test of the relationship.

Many people may have experienced the challenge from students to the workplace, from love to marriage, but they may not be able to withstand the challenge of having children.

Because the challenges of having children are different from those from students to the workplace and from love to marriage, students can control the challenges they face in the workplace and love to marriage, but the birth of children brings third-party variables.

For example, after giving birth to a child, some people will say that "in-laws only care about the baby" and "when the husband comes over, it seems that there is no extra communication except eating and taking care of the baby", all of which are the results of the third-party variables of the child.

What you can decide by yourself has turned into having to make a decision with others, which is the biggest challenge after giving birth.

2) Increased responsibility and anxiety.

Many women will feel heavier responsibilities after giving birth, and with the biochemical changes in the body, they will gradually enter a state of anxiety.

For example, a reader once told me that after giving birth to a child, she would feel anxious when she saw the deposit in her account, and she would feel a sense of shame inside:

As a mother, if she goes out to work, she can’t stay with her children; As a lover, if you don’t go out to work, you won’t share the economic pressure for your husband.

She is in a hurry, but the more she wants to make money, the more busy she is, the more tired she is, and the more she is in a bad mood.

Fortunately, she didn’t meet an inactive husband, and her husband would patiently tell her, "You can’t sit for a long time now, you can’t be too tired, and you don’t have to rush to work."

But her anxiety made her lose sight of her own value and her husband’s thoughtfulness.

3) Lack of emotional communication.

There is no denying that in the matter of parenting, most women will always enter the role faster than men.

Most women will focus on their children after giving birth, and their bodies need to recover, so they will choose to sleep in separate beds, which also makes some boys feel left out.

A male reader once said that since his wife was pregnant and the child is two years old now, they have never had a one-time life.

He understands that sex is not all, but it is also a spice in emotional life.

He is the kind with strong sexual desire, but his wife never takes the initiative, and sometimes she is rejected when she wants it.

So he was hit hard, but he was sulking for his family and children, but he just felt that the relationship between husband and wife was getting worse and worse.

Although it is men’s ignorance of the father’s role that leads women to pay more attention to their children, one-way giving can never make a family enter a positive cycle.

02

How to keep the relationship between husband and wife from hibernating?

A reader once told me that since the birth of her child, no matter whether she is together or in a different place, there is nothing about both sides except talking about the child.

At first, she would take the initiative to talk about the daily life of some children. Later, her husband didn’t even talk to her about his work industry, content and treatment, and asked her not to tell him about the troubles of taking care of children.

Slowly, she didn’t say anything according to the meaning of the other party, but she found that there was something wrong with this life.

She put forward her own ideas carefully and actively, and finally found that communication was "bull’s head is not right for horse’s mouth", and what she expressed was completely different from what her husband understood.

Before marriage, they talked about everything, but now there is a backlog of things that have not been solved. Her husband is an avoidant personality, and she is a radical personality, so she really wants to know, "Can such a relationship between husband and wife return to pre-marriage?" .

1) mentality construction.

When most people encounter an emotional problem, there will be a common state: "How can I go back to the past?"

There are three states in life: past, present and future.

But the past can never go back, the future can never go, and people can only grasp the present.

Moreover, we need to deeply realize that we can never step into the same river twice.

As far as the child is born, we can’t go back to the past. The best solution to the problem is only to find a new way for husband and wife to get along and a new balance on the existing basis.

With the expectation that "the relationship between husband and wife can return to pre-marriage", the mentality is easy to collapse.

Only by grasping the present opportunity and rebuilding a new balance can we have a healthy and comfortable mentality.

2) The framework of emotional repair.

Emotional repair is a process, not a result.

When many people encounter problems, they directly think "I wish I could do something", for example, "I wish both husband and wife could bear with me, understand each other, care about each other and tolerate each other".

The problem is that it is absolutely impossible to do this without the process of intermediate change and learning.

For example, just like a boy chasing a girl, it is impossible to say to the other party just after meeting, "Shall we have a wedding tomorrow?"

Holding a wedding is a result, and it is a necessary process for two people to know, communicate and get married. It is impossible to omit all the processes and get the results directly.

Therefore, we can’t skip the repair process and directly get the result of two people’s emotional repair.

And all emotional repair frameworks are the relationship between "chasing" and "fleeing".

What is the relationship between "chasing" and "fleeing"?

If the other party has completely escaped, broken up or divorced, this time is not called "repair", but called "redemption."

Then what is repair?

Repair is that the two people have not divorced or separated, but the two sides have a relationship of escape and pursuit in terms of motivation.

It’s like the heroine of the story said that her husband is an avoidant personality and she is a radical personality. But in the restoration framework, we can put these things down first and simply regard the whole restoration framework as the relationship between "chasing" and "fleeing".

A successful restoration framework, first of all, the person who is chasing must stop first.

For example, if it is a state of accusation, it is necessary to stop first. Because only the person who stops blaming, chasing and running away will stop.

Maybe at the beginning, the other party won’t stop immediately, but will look back a little suspiciously until it is determined whether the other party will stop chasing and attacking, and then stop slowly.

This is an overall framework, and it is absolutely impossible to repair it successfully without grasping this point.

In order to repair successfully, the pursuers must stop first, and the fugitives will stop. Otherwise, one person chasing and one person fleeing will only make the relationship between the two people farther and farther.

3) See the change of the whole relationship at the macro level.

From a macro perspective, husband and wife used to be a small system in the world of men and women, but after giving birth, they will become a big system of ternary relationship between a man, a woman and a child.

In this process, we should understand a truth: all the methods used to deal with the binary system have failed in the new ternary system.

In other words, it is necessary to upgrade the whole system, instead of trying to face new problems with some tools and methods in the past.

Just as it is impossible to repair a car with the tools of repairing a carriage, because a carriage and a car are two different things, and the whole parts and systems of a car are different from them.

So you have to understand that in the face of new problems, you have to use new methods:

A, the way of expression.

Everyone has negative energy, which can be expressed and should be expressed.

Children are originally an emotional connection. Why do some boys ask not to tell him about the troubles of taking care of children?

Because many people will inadvertently complain when sharing their children’s daily lives.

I don’t know how you talk about children and the details, but I guess these "troubles" may be:

The child is crying again;

The child didn’t sleep well again;

The child soiled this sheet again;

……

If only these complaints and accusations can’t form an emotional connection, what could have been shared should be:

Wow, he is great today, he can turn over;

Yo, you can walk;

Can talk now;

……

These have a lot of happy growth parts, and I believe that as a father, I am willing to listen to them.

Don’t just turn a child into an annoyance. He should have become a common source of joy. This is the concrete operation of emotional connection.

B. Effective communication: step by step.

The management of marriage should be two-way. But don’t give each other a big indicator and a big problem at the beginning, but communicate with him clearly first: what is the division of labor between each other in this family?

We should learn to advance step by step, such as what is the economy, what is the housework, and what is the education of children?

List all the common things and housework that make you collapse, so that two people can get the task according to their contribution to the family. When they get the task, everyone will do it, and no one will say who.

Only by establishing rules can we measure the relationship between two people and let both sides know clearly what responsibilities they should bear.

In addition, when chatting, we should also pay attention to emotional lines and logical lines.

Because chatting is not looking for right or wrong, communication is connecting the subjective world of two people and the distance between hearts.

In a word, we humans live in two worlds:

One is the "objective fact", that is, what happened;

The other is "subjective view", that is, "what do I think of this matter? How do I feel? What are my joys and sorrows? "

Always remember that the connection between two people together is first of all the connection between heart and heart, and it is the connection of emotions.

If emotional joys and sorrows are not connected, and they don’t really see each other, there will be no each other in their eyes, and this feeling without spiritual connection will eventually dry up.

The above articles are sent to all couples who encounter emotional setbacks and difficulties. I sincerely hope that you can reactivate a relationship through heart-to-heart connection.

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